The Garden Way: Cultivating Intentionality in a Fast-Paced World.

The Pan of Fudge That Almost Wasn’t

One year, when my older two were still young, we traveled from Connecticut to New York for the Christmas holiday. My sister and her husband lived close to my parents at the time, and she and my mom had already begun their annual baking extravaganza, with old-fashioned cookies, brandy-soaked fruitcakes, and other delectables aplenty laid out for all. Not wanting to arrive empty-handed, I had spent the days prior making several kinds of fudge from scratch. I did a great job, creating a peppermint selection, a double-chocolate extra fudgy one, and one with peanut butter that melted in your mouth. But I was so stressed to tears doing so, worried whether my efforts were going to measure up to the other offerings.

As everyone tumbled into the house with suitcases, and my little boys were excited to see their grandma, I handed my mom the fudge and told her I had spent the night before frantically finishing it so I could add to the table. My mom tasted one piece and said simply, “This is very good, Kim,” and I burst into tears, telling her how stressed I was because I wanted everyone to like it. She just looked at me and said, “You know all that wasn’t even necessary. Of course, it would be good enough, because you made it.”

I think of that around the holidays – how a time of family and joy becomes so painful for so many of us because we set performance expectations for ourselves that are not only unnecessary but actually fly in the face of the spirit of the season!

You see, the fudge was never the point. And I wasn’t really stressed about the fudge. I was stressed about being enough. I didn’t have to perform to be at the table. I didn’t have to be or do anything at all. I just had to be present, and I was accepted – just as I was.

A Child’s Gift to His Sister

Many years earlier, when I was about ten, we were opening gifts on Christmas day, and I pulled out a package that had the telltale signs that a young child had done his best to wrap an awkwardly-shaped item. Before I opened it, my mom leaned close and whispered, “Remember, it’s that thought that counts.” I opened the package to find a hand-decorated pencil jar that my younger brother had made in art class. He proudly said, “It’s for your colored pencils.” Do you know that I kept that pencil jar through my teen years, into college, and on into my young adulthood? It was the thought that counted – and I received that thought with my whole heart.

When she said, “Remember it’s the thought that counts,” my mom wasn’t warning me that the gift might be disappointing. She was preparing my heart to receive the intention, the effort, the love, the small hands painting a jar for his big sister.

She was teaching me:

• how to honor someone’s offering
• how to see the love behind the object
• how to receive with grace
• how to value sincerity over polish.

Holiday Presence vs Holiday Performance

Everyone has a “holiday fudge moment” — the thing they overdid, overthought, or overperformed because they wanted to be worthy. Do you want to know how to bring more joy – and less stress – to a holiday? Stop performing. Stop striving. Stop trying to prove something to someone. Stop perfecting. Instead, just show up, be present, offer what you can, and trust that it’s good enough. Remember that expression, “The ones who matter, don’t care, and the ones who care, don’t matter?” It’s the truth – the people who truly love you for you don’t need your perfection. They just need you.

The pencil jar… the Christmas fudge… your own holiday story… They all illustrate the same cosmic lesson: We serve the Universe by being our authentic selves, not by performing worthiness.

If you want to bring the fudge – bring it. If you make the fudge and it’s gooey, bring a knife and some crackers. If your fruitcake is as hard as a doorstop, wrap it anyway, and make a communal celebration of putting it out for the birds as a gift.

You know what the best holiday gift is? It’s YOU! So put a big bow on your head and walk in just as you are.

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